Urhobo Historical Society

Nigeria Joins the Space Age.
Or So, Urhobo's BabaWilly Tells the World



Dear All,

The Naija Space programme is at hand.
This is top secret so bico, do not say BabaWilly told you.
The space craft is called Apollo 419.
Mai pipo, check out as e go taik happun.

1. The Commander for the mission na one Hausa guy so. The other 2 officers na Igbo and Yoruba. The Commander was allowed to bring 3 wives while the 2 officers each brought one wife and one girlfriend.

2. On the day of the maiden vovage the whole Naija was glued to their TV and radio sets awaiting blast off. Mai people, Commander refuse kick engine as them never pay am the agreed 'estacode' (in Dollars). Proceedings were delayed for 4 hours.

3. Finally, the count down to Blast-off. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6 Nepa!!!

4. The Space craft rocketed away tilted to the left on account of the heavy load of Garri, Apku, Tuwo, Massara, and Miya Kubewa.

Come see bush meat dey smell everywhere. The extra food was in case they meet some eba loving extra terrestials.

5. The Igbo and Yoruba officers hatched a coup plot to take over the mission. The commander however got to hear of it through one of his tri-lingual wives whom he told to eavesdrop on the 'other two officers'. The commander then foiled the coup by giving both officers extra rations of Bush meat.

6. Suddenly the engine knocked; Gbosa!!

The commander scream ' Walahi! Mission control Abuja, we have a frovlem!!'.

Next the commander sent everyone out to 'push' while he steered the stricken space craft to the nearest vulcaniser, a Russian called Papa bomboi-nakov.

7. The next day the screams of a chicken was heard as the commander's wife slit its throat. You see, Commander no dey chop frozen fowl.

The blood floated in the weight-less atmosphere of the space craft and CNN carried the pictures. Two animal rights activists in the UK committed suicide on seeing the spectacle.

Next, all wives and girl friends joined hands to de-feather the chicken in hot water.

Naija made it into the record books as the first African nation in space and the first to kill chicken in space!

8. After orbiting the moon once the commander boarded the Lunar Module and headed for the moon. NTA captured the historic Lunar landing as Nigerians took a break from robbing and being robbed, Asuu strike, poverty, Aids, Injustice, OPC, Disco pupils, Owanmbe governors, U chop I chop philosophy, No medicare and hunger for all -- to beat their breasts in patriotism as they watched on TV and Radio.

The commander in 'slow motion' appeared with the Naija flag in one hand and a bottle of Ragolis (Product placement) in the other.

9. He stuck the flag in the soil then unzipped his space 'sokoto' to piss behind one rock. Next he uttered those historic words 'One small step for Naija, one giant leap for me! (Everyone for im sef)'.

10. Soon the 'other two' joined him and each began to claim Lunar real estate for their individual tribes. As a fierce argument arose the President stepped in with a timely phone call and decree ( forget democracy first jo) declaring the whole moon belonged to Naija. (Emm.. that is the parts the US and Russia have no need of).

11. On the way home the crew decided to defect to the USA where they claimed refugee status. Meanwhile the Nigeria navy is still searching for them in the Atlantic.

The President is not amused.

Na wa!!

BabaWilly


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